After several failed relationships, I finally found someone who is all the things you say that a real man should be. The only problem is that he smokes. He is too, but his smoking is the only issue we keep arguing about. He says he is trying to kick the habit for me, but he has failed to do so and it seems he smokes even more after each failed attempt. The other day he told me that he has already started looking for a house for us and that he plans to marry me next year and wants to start a family a year later. He has been working overtime at his job to make this happen and every month he shows me his bank statement.
Committing yourself to someone who is endangering their health not to mention yours and possible future children does NOT make you a terrible person.
The one thing that stuck out to me most in this e-mail is that she is trying to take the responsibility off of herself and place it on her boyfriend by giving him an ultimatum. She is dating a smoker. That is a fact.
If she takes the pressure off, I bet the lying would stop. If I were in this situation, I would try to find the strength to leave. Has her boyfriend tried taking Chantix? I think rule 1 is that if you love your boyfriend, you have to learn that he is not perfect and is allowed to slip up from time to time. To err is human. What you should focus on instead of his wrongs is supporting him, and worrying about your needs and when to draw the line for YOU. The decision is ultimately yours, not his.
I used to work as a telephone counselor for a tobacco quitline. I specifically worked with family members and friends trying to support a smoker as they quit. That being said, we always advised people not to use ultimatums since they put even more pressure on the person and putting pressure on them leads to stress, which can be a smoking trigger.
The best approach if she wants to stay with him and help him quit is to help him figure out how he can change his environment and habits so he can be most successful, and to support him in this process. I would suggest she approach him again, apologize for any past fights they have had about smoking, and tell him that she knows it can be difficult but that she wants to help.
Then, she should ask him where he wants to be and when he wants to be there. Together, try to set goals to get to that place. Your state quitline or doctor should be able to provide further help based on the step he is at.
It is important to be supportive during any relapses. It is a hugely addictive, hard to break habit and it is important to try to keep up his will to change it and his sense of self-efficacy. What can I do to help make this next try successful? It is also important to change habits and emotional patterns that trigger smoking. That is one of the best ways that a support person can help-by making helpful changes alongside the person and encouraging them the whole time.
This was a totally abridged version of our counseling sessions! Ug this is rough. I could never ever date a smoker. Good job being proactive about how to help him change! I can really relate to this post. When I started dating my husband he hated smoking just as much as I did. When we graduated college and got jobs he started working at a company where almost everyone smoked. He started smoking here and there so he could take breaks and hang out with them.
He knew how against it I was from the beginning. He promised me on our wedding day that he would never smoke again which I was really happy about but of course about 2 weeks later I caught him with a pack. He only smokes maybe 2 or 3 times a week now. Hi there - This is a really tough one. When Jason and I started dating - he also smoked. Instead of confronting the smoking head-on, I tried to make his eating habits better. I used to smoke a pack a day disgusting, I know in college and quit cold turkey when I started dating a guy who disapproved.
Though I am still a social smoker maybe have a couple a month I would quit if my relationship were in jeopardy. I think your approach to be calm, patient and supportive is right on. I do not mean to sound harsh with this next statement but. I wonder if they had a chat with a chinese medicinist! I am an ex-smoker. For me, changing the rest of the things in my life diet, exercise, and most importantly beginning the journey to becoming a yoga teacher led me to the point where I just stopped, without even thinking about it really.
It really does make a difference. It sounds like you have given him many chances and will continue to do so. I would much rather have a boyfriend who smoked but was honest with me, than one who ran marathons but lied to my face. This is coming from someone who thinks smoking is one of the worst things you can do to your body! Can I just say something? This is why I love the world of blogs.
May 29, My boyfriend used to be really opposed to me smoking. He made me promise him when we first started dating that I would not smoke a cigarette again. We were on and off for a while and when we broke up for the majority of a summer, I would smoke here and there. I have a different approach to this question. As said by Bianca, I would not consider your BF a heavy smoker but not a light smoker either. I smoked for almost 12 years and i went from trying it out for first time to almost a heavy smoker during t.
Blogs have provided us with a place where strong, honest and open women and men can share their thoughts and beliefs in respectful and truthful ways.
I have learned so much from you all out there and I just want to say thank you! A beautiful way to see the other side of a situation and to learn how to approach something that is emotional, difficult and hard to accomplish.
Some good advice here, but lots of opinions that I find a bit above and beyond My husband smokes and has for years. He started when he was a teen when we were still new in our relationship. It needs to be HIS decision, not mine. There are tons of other activities people do that harm their body as well. Would you be considering leaving him if the issue were to continues to eat McDonalds?
I would be thankful he is not addicted to something worse. The situation you had described had happened to me. When I started going out my husband my then boyfriend he was a smoker who smoked a pack a day.
It has been 9 yrs since we have been togetherand in the first couple of years I have fought hard enough and made him quit and he did just for mebut he could not keep it long enough. True story. I smoked for many many year from high school till college and on and off for another 3 yrs. It was hard to quit in the beginning because it was a habit. I hid this away from my boyfriends and my family. I never told anyone about this habit until recently maybe because I quit.
I want to be there and be active with my husband and kids. I started slowly. I dont think this ultimatum was the only reason why i successfully quick, but i will say it was definitely one of the reasons why i did quick.
Dating a smoker boyfriend
I had to make that choice that i want to quit. From my point of view and my advice to this lady, is you absolutely have every right to pursue what you want.
Your sig other has to make the choice if he want to continue or not continue that habit. If he chooses to continue smoking, then you also have to make a choice whether this is something acceptable to you or not. Maybe he says, i want to quit but im having a hard time. Help him fight the cravings!
YOu have every right to pursue a life you love and he also has that same right. I hope this helps! My first love was a smoker. It was horrible. I knew he smoked when we met and I fell so hard for him that I let it go. Then I met my current boyfriend. Then two years later I got a job in Boston and lived out there alone for 3 months until he got a job. While I was gone, he started smoking again and like you, I lost my cool.
I have a hard time communicating my feelings sometimes But we talked about it and with patience from me, time, and effort from him he was able to quit again. I know how hard it is to date and love a smoker. But I also had to learn how to understand his side too. It sucks-I know it does. Good luck with everything and I really hope he can finally make the change for good. I know I am super late to comment, but I know where you are coming from, except the smoker was my father.
As a kid all I ever wanted was for him to stop. He did a number of times but always reverted back to smoking. I hated knowing that he was sneaking it, smoking at work or in the car. I loved him so much that knowing that he was hurting himself made me nauseous, panicky, and soooo upset. I hope your boyfriend can explore ways to quit for himself first and foremost, and then for you and all the people who love him. Unfortunately my father never thought he was worth it, and I lost him 8 years ago last week.
I always say that if people could see the grief they left behind because of awful health choices, they would never have made those choice, but I guess thats difficult to see until it happens. Good luck to him and to you. He went through sort of the same thing as your blogger buddy quitting and restarting. The doctor prescribed him Champix this might only be the Canadian name!? Good luck!!!! Soon enough i found out.
I hate it.
Seldom.. possible dating a smoker boyfriend where
I know I am late on this but I wanted to give my perspective on this. My husband has been cigarette free for almost 3 yrs April 30th is his anniversary date. How was he able to quit? Because I let him quit on his own. Yes,you gave him an ultamatium but honestly those do not work and it did not work with my husband.
My husband smoked for almost 9 years. And yes, I admit I smoked too but I quit over 10 yrs ago. As our relationship continued, I knew it was an addiction. When he was stressed from work, he would smoke. After dinner, he had to have a cigarette. I do not view anyone who smokes a bad person, they just have a bad addiction.
He decided one day he had enough and quit. It was tough. I am not going to lie. During his withdrawals stage, he would get angry with me for no reason. I knew it was not him but the addiction trying to take over. A third reason was the money. He was a pack a day smoker and that adds up fast!! Offer help-offer to buy the patches or the gum or go to a smoking cessation class with him.
When you put that amount of pressure on a guy me or cigsit is not going to work. He goes through this on a daily basis and he tells me there are times he has the urge but he knows he is doing this to better himself. I am not saying it was ok to lie and while it is true you may not understand, you need to understand.
Super late to post but- I was that smoker!!! I am not one for ultimatums. I feel we need to change for ourselves. I did it for me!!! To help with cravings, I would drink a full glass of water and go for a run! Running became my motivation to remain smoke free. A little behind on this topic but I hope you can send it on to her. My husband smoked when I met him in I hate smoke, it givs me a headache, makes my nose itch, and is disgusting.
Then he started again. We had our son in and he quit again for a bit. In he started having chest pains. In April, the day after our son turned 4, he ended up with a 5-way heart bypass!! He started smoking again by Xmas. He had an abdominal aortic anuerysm repaired in November of And he took up smoking cigars for awhile to get off cigarettes.
But soon he was smoking a day. And those things are nastier than cigs! After his heart surgery, I was SO mad at him for smoking again.
I told him that I was NOT gong to take care of him and have our son watch him die of lung cancer someday. Do you think that helped?
Mar 11, My boyfriend was a smoker for ten years - four of those years while were were dating. I always hated the fact that he was a smoker, but he had to be ready to quit. It took a few tries and it's still a daily struggle, but he is now years smoke free! Dec 27, Dating a Smoker is Like Dating Anyone Else With a Few Differences. Everyone knows by now that tobacco is bad for you. Besides that, it stinks! Most people are non-smokers, and when you don't smoke, the scent of cigarettes can be pretty nauseating. This is Author: Jorge Vamos. After several failed relationships, I finally found someone who is all the things you say that a real man should be. The only problem is that he smokes. I am a non-smoker and have never dated a smoker in the past, but I am in my mid 30's and ready for marriage. He is too, but his smoking is the only issue we keep arguing about.
Will I take care of him if that does occur? No one is going to make him quit, and my being on his case about it has only made him want a cigarette even more. We fall in love with people for all sorts of reasons.
That really pissed me off. It could be worse. He could have addictions like Ozzie. I just wanted to stop in to make sure your OK. My husband has been a smoker since he was I am not a smoker nor have I ever been a smoker. When we first met we were in college. Most of the time when we hung out we were with friends at bars.
We both had full time jobs and were full time college students so that was just the lifestyle at that time. I knew he smoked but I just assumed it was while he was drinking, as lots of people do. I was just being blind to the fact, I guess.
About 3 years ago he told me that he has always promised himself that he would quit smoking when we have children. My best advice would be to not lose sight of why you want him to quit. You want him to quit because you are concerned about his health and you love him. You want to live a long and happy life together. In the first couple years we were together maybe the third year? And he left. I know he wants to quit, and every time he mentions trying something I go into instant cheerleader mode.
I met and started dating my DH when I was 17 and he was When we first met, he rarely smoked. As the years went on, he started smoking more and more regularly.
He would never smoke in our cars or house, but he steadily went to almost a pack a day. He said he was going to quit after our wedding inbut that never happened. Then, he set a date to quit smoking after the birth of our daughter in About 2 months ago, he decided he was quitting. He has to quit on his own terms. I am responding a bit late, but wanted to add my two cents. I want to reiterate what everyone else has said: quitting is hard.
I have asthma and BOTH my parents smoked my asthma was acquired, too. My mom quit for me. She never smoked when pregnant, but would always start again. My dad on the other hand has smoked about a half pack or less my whole life. I tried to make him quit growing up and he ended up lying to me.
I like to consider myself a non-smoker, and do pretty well with it unless I get stressed about something. Cut him some slack and help him. If you love him, love him with his character flaws and accept him as is.
Like you, smoking is the only thing that bothers me about Jesse. The promise to do something, but never living up to it. How do other people handle it? My mom was a smoker, and I passionately hate cigarettes-the smelly house, car, and clothing, the ridiculous and needless damage to health, the costs. I and my three brothers all hate smoking and tried to get her to quit over and over throughout our childhoods and adult lives. She tried, too, with varying levels of commitment, for over 20 years.
She died of lung cancer seven years ago. I have a lot of compassion for smokers who are trying to quit. I have heard it is one of the hardest addictions to overcome. My boyfriend was a smoker when we got together 7 years ago, and he had been smoking for a very long time before that. So, he asked me to go get him some patches to deal with the nicotine fits.
He made the choice. He decided it was time. The opportunity was there, and he took it. I could never force him to quit, and so I accepted that it was something that was a part of him that I would have to deal with. We quit last May. I took up running to keep my mind off of it, and he eventually started smoking again in July. Thankfully I have that. If you want to quit, you will. I am 36 and ready for children and marriage.
I realize that this is a very old discussion, but still wanted to share. I was embarrassed and hated the smell. Ten years ago my mother got lung cancer and died after three years. It was traumatizing.
I have to say that I honestly do think there comes a time when an ultimatum needs to be given. Yes, if someone knew going in it may not be very fair to make that demand, however, I think there is something to be said for making intelligent decisions. I have never dated a smoker, considering my past. I did have one person lie to me and smoke during our two year relationship. I had no idea how addictive it was, but I became dependent and it was extremely difficult to beat.
Any addiction is tough. I get that! At the same time, so many people have quit smokin successfully. Plus, in this day and age I think people are really aware of how damaging smoking can be. I wish I had had that knowledge about Xanax prior to taking it. Once I realized I was physically dependent I quit.
Especially not with kids I our future. I recently started dating a gentleman who smokes heavily. I am very familiar with this battle. I would hope that my husband who says he cares about me would try to get me to stop if i had a life threatening habit like that. Why should i have to live with second-hand smoke just because i happened to fall in love with a smoker? At some point our relationship has to mean more than smoke.
I am in virtually the same situation as this woman. Recently i gave my boyfriend the ultimatum but that made the situation worse and now he smokes regularly but is extremely reluctant to tell me anything about it, because he doesnt want to upset me. However this makes me extremely anxious and I am going to get help for that, I worry that keeping this from me will create a distance. I completely understand the predicament and know that it might just be something I have to do for love.
My husband has been smoking for years now. A week he was supposed to be smoke free we even got the gum and everything I was so excited that he was doing so well. Until today when I smelled it on him and immediately knew he has been cheating.
I got really upset asked him about it and he still denied it. I was so angry went off on him yelled at him yes I dealt with it awful but I think it made me more upset that he was lying to me to my face when we both knew the truth. I am an ex smoker of 15 years. It was the best thing I could have done for myself and my daughter. I had tried to quit a few time before I succeeded. It takes someone to actually want to quit.
In no way does my boyfriend want to quit even though he said in the beggining he wanted to. His actions prove that he enjoys it and has no desire to stop. Im so digusted, im ready to move on.
I have tried to many times to quit but never succeed. Right now I am smoking while typing. I need a alternative of cigarettes so I can quit. Many people write in their blogs how to quit smoking. When I really wanted to smoke.
I feel a fire burning in my heart that time I am unable to thing about anything else. But loneliness will make you smoke again and again that is my personal experiences.
If I am alone for a 10 min. What should I do. I am took cigarettes daily. When I added weed thing is getting worse and worse. So everyone can buy from shops in place of cigarettes. I have tried to many things. I have made spinach cigarettes in non nicotine paper. But smoke is not good for human body.
I want something healthy. This has helped me reading this and I guess I need to be more lenient about things. I get scared about the drinking, pot, and cigarettes but I guess I need to just let him quit on his own. I have been married 11 years to a smoker. He spends all his time in the backyard. If I want see him I have to breath in the smoke.
When we go out everytime the car stops he has to have a cigarette. I feel like the third wheel. Think twice before moving forward with the relationship.
You will end up resenting him and his mistress and spending a lot of time alone or waiting in him. He loves and excepts me as I am and he never asked me to chnge a thing. I tried to date a smoker but could not. This habit will infringe on your unborn children and your entire house and you and your health and entire being will be compromised over it if you marry a smoker.
Furthermore, when your children have friends over chances are they will notice the smell in your house that you will become used to if you live with a smoker. You are not a terrible person for asking such questions. And it is a detriment to you spiritually as well. Previous post: Three Changes. Next post: Inappropriate Illustrations. Healthy Tipping Point. Loving a Smoker on March 11, Thankfully my mom quit exactly one year ago and has done great since. When I met my husband he chewed tabacco.
That is such valuable information. I had no clue! Good luck to you and to your boyfriend! Wow, how tough. Same as losing weight, you have to do it for yourself. Great question!!!!!!
I apologize in advance for the long message Background: In my family there is a long history of lung cancer due to smoking so smoking was always a deal breaker for me.
So he was quitting for himself, for health reasons, and doing so gradually.
Bottom line- he has to want it for himself. My Thoughts and Advice: I smoked off and on throughout college and graduate school. Man, just writing that made me want to smoke! Smoking is a totally dealbreaker, in my opinion. Who wants to kiss an ash tray? Gag me! Encouragement goes a long way. I think it goes as simple as this - Majority non smokers would prefer a non smoker. Though I've come across smokers who are only attracted to smokers and can't see themselves with nonsmokers.
I'm a non smoker, and cannot and won't tolerate a smoker BF again. In your case you could taste the cigarettes from kissing her, in my case, I could smell it when he opened his mouth to "DIRTY" talk during sex.
Never again with a smoker. Smoking has always kind of grossed me out. I feel bad that people who smoke feel so obviously socially shunned but I don't know what to say. It sucks when you are a non smoker and someone is smoking around you.
It sucks that people think they can just throw their "butts" on the ground and not give a crap about the environment. It hurts me to see people I love slowly hurting themselves badly by engaging in this habit. I've tried to date girls who smoked before and it just didn't work for me. The smell, the taste, it's just too much.
Think, that dating a smoker boyfriend apologise, that can
I always look at people who smoke and wonder what we would do as a society if there were people who just walked around punching themselves sin the face in front of everyone. Wouldn't we try to stop them? I know it isn't the exact same thing but damn people, do I really have to watch you slowly kill yourself walking around the street? I don't know, people can do what they want but we don't let people do many other harmful drugs walking around the streets in broad daylight, it's weird to me that this one is OK.
You seem to be really lenient when it comes to dating Andrew. Unusually lenient for a guyalmost like you havent created any personal standards you would like a potential female to meet I'm not a smoker and I detest the smell. However, i find the campaign against smoking maddening. Since the smoking ban in public buildings I live in London I am bothered more by cigarette smoke than before the ban. Unintended consequences.
You cannot enter or leave a building anywhere without inhaling cigarette smoke. And lets not talk about the downright hypocrisy of it all. The tax revenue from cigarettes and alcohol is enormous. I doubt any government would prefer all its citizens to abstain.
It is interesting that men today are saying they would not a date a smoker. I thought the sexy, sultry s image of a woman lighting up persisted. You do still see fashion adverts evoking the image from time to time. I'm a non smoker and the only two men I have ever had strong feelings for were smokers.
They were both trying to cut down the first wasn't too serious about it, the second was actually quitting. To be completely honest, if I'm in love then I'm in love and I probably would have kept dating either one of them despite their smoking if they didn't have other crucial problems.
Of course I didn't love it, but as long as they went outside for a smoke, it was fine. I don't know if men feel the same way about female smokers though. A side note: if you're a guy and a heavy smoker, don't expect a girl to swallow. I've gone there and it tastes like liquid Marlboro. Perhaps they should put that on the pack, if they want to cut back on sales. I've read some of the comments here and I am quite impressed how diverse people views are relating to smoking in a relationship with a non-smoker.
I am a guy and I've never smoked nor drunk in my entire life and I hate being around smokers let alone inhaling the oder. I fell in love with my ex-girl friend who was a smoker but I didn't care and overtime she refrained without me saying anything.
When she stopped I was neither happy or sad. I've recently met a lady who smokes and she seems a bit skeptical that things may not work out but because I have never criticized her, she seems very comfortable with me. She has told me that she likes me so much. I would agree that love and attraction play a major part when one partner smokes and the other doesn't.
I will never mention to her negatively about her smoking habit because I am sexually attracted to her whether or not she wants to quit it will be at her own volition. So true. You clearly embarrassed her, and that is really the motivation for most things in life!
I bet she doesn't smoke again just because you said that. I watched an older gentleman gradually die of emphysema caused by years of smoking and it was not pretty; not to mention the productive coughing bouts and that "sexy" oxygen tank he became increasingly dependent on. I do not wish to date a smoker because I don't want to be tethered to an oxygen tank, wake up to that awful cough, kiss ashtrays,or nurse them while dying of lung cancer.
True, everyone's gotta go, but death by smoking is not sexy at all. I have to quit smoking! I hope I've never been dumped because I'm a smoker and not known it. The last guy I dated was a non-smoker and I never smoked in front of him but I wondered if he ever smelled it on me and that contributed to the break-up.
One thing is that I'm also concerned that I'll gain weight if I quit but I know that's better than the long term effects. Yes, he smelled it. If he cared or not is a different question - but you cannot hide the traces of cigarette smoke.
Unless you change outfit and shower and brush your teeth in between every cigarette. And even then your skin will still show the traces, not the least will you not have the same glow. Even when I smoked I never liked the taste of making out with a girl that smoked. Go figure. Just for the record: Europe consists of many different countries.
In some countries there are fewer smokers than in US, in some there are more. So don't judge all Europeans from one experience. Which ones? And I am talking about per-capita statistics, not total smokers.
I love e cigarettes and use them almost every day. I used to smoke at least a pack a day and would always come home from my job smelling like a bar.
My companion hated it and then she told me about the e cigarette and I looked it up online and came across a site that full me about everything there is to know about e cigarettes. If you wanted to know more about e cigarettes and how to find deals and how they work then I highly suggest that you check this site out. I would not date a guy who smoked. I used to smoke and I have people I love who smoke so I know it's hypocritical but because of the health concerns and the overall grossness of it.
Also I am on a mission for skin tightening and smoke around me would not be good for that. Nice post, keep up the good work :. Kissing an ashtray is freaking gross!!! I got my boyfriend a starter kit from www. If anything - it got our bedroom life jazzed up because no more ritual to get clean and free from cigarette smoke anymore.
While there are some people who are very much against smoking definitely a minorityfor the rest of us it's a fact of life. I do not smoke, yet, but I have dated guys who smoked and it honestly never bothered me. Smoking is not banned in all public places here, restaurants and cafes rarely have a non-smoking area You do get used to it. I grew up before the anti-smoking campaign began, and though my parents were not smokers they kept ashtrays for friends.
People smoked everywhere, all the time, but once you get used to clean air, it is difficult going back to an oxygen-deprived environment. Nothing like fresh, clean, air,clean breath,and white teeth. And, forget second-hand smoke, who wants to take care of smokers when they die from cancer and emphysema? I was looking for crucial information on this subject. The information was important as I am about to launch my own portal. Thanks for providing a missing link in my business. Electronic cigarette.
Sadly cleaning your teeth does nothing but make an even more disgusting taste. Love hot girl smokers though. I love women that smoke and love the smell and taste that comes with it. Google "Smoking Fetish" and you'll see there are many, many men that love it when a woman smokes and find it a very sexual thing.
Surprisingly, most of these men including me are non-smokers. The smell of smoke on a woman is extremely sexy, I love it on her breath, in her her hair and on her skin. I go crazy if she smokes during sex, there is no bigger turn on than the smell of the second hand smoke escaping from her mouth and nose after she has taken a hard drag on her cigarette and pulled it deep into her lungs. A girl goes from a 5 out of 10 to an 8 or 9 once I see she smokes.
Some of you are probably thinking this is some kind of attempt at sarcasm and that I'm not serious Again, if you doubt what I am telling you then Google "Smoking Fetish" and see the amount of material that is available online for us fetishers. I wish I had a wife that was happily addicted, rather than hating it and asking her to quit, I'd be the one lighting her up at every opportunity! I have a Wife who smokes and I smoke too. She prefers a man who smokes and she knows that I like a girl who smokes too.
She is also Eastern european and most girls smoke a lot in her country. She knows that I like to see her smoking and she smokes sexily for me and also kisses me when she is smoking as she knows this turns me on especially when she has painted Red nails holding her long thin cigarette between her tar stained fingers. I always light her cigarettes and she knows I like to do this as she looks into my eyes whilst doing a long cheek hollowing drag as I light her cigarette, then she exhales a long stream of thick smoke from her nose and mouth.
We both Love smoking and smoking and kissing together My boyfriend used to be really opposed to me smoking.
He made me promise him when we first started dating that I would not smoke a cigarette again. We were on and off for a while and when we broke up for the majority of a summer, I would smoke here and there.
Think, dating a smoker boyfriend apologise, but, opinion
I've never been a big smoker, maybe a cigarette a few times a month at most, one pack can last me a really long time. However I knew he wouldn't like it. We got back together and I never told him about it. One day on a vacation he asked for a cigarette from one of his friends, I was shocked and he let me smoke it with him.
We agreed it's only bc we were drinking and not an okay everyday thing. This prompted him to tell me that after a fight we had a couple weeks prior, he smoked.
He's the last person on earth I thought would ever smoke, but after he told me I admitted to him after the fight I had smoked too, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal after his confession, and that it would feel good to be honest. I was wrong. He blew up, almost wanted to break up over it. Took a while but after his friend helped mediate we made up.
He told me that he doesn't mind if I smoke but only if it's with him. I think he worries if it's not like that I will smoke all the time or, his worst fear, buy my own pack. He doesn't like that we smoke at all bu when we're drinking it almost comes naturally.
Unfortunately it seems to be he can smoke with or without me and I'm forced to do as he prefers or face the wrath of a stupid fight.
I'll smoke now every once in while when I'm out with my friends or drinking, I bought my own pack for the simple fact of I hate bumming cigarettes from people.
I don't like that I have to hide this, and I don't think it's fair that I have rules like I'm a child. I'm about to turn 21 and know I'll want to have a conversation with him about this sometime in the newr future, but I dont know how to bring it up. I don't want him to worry or feel weird about it, I'm active and really enjoy running for excersise, so I know my limits and don't see the big deal.
If he can make his own choices then I feel I can too. I think you have bigger worries in his relationship than the smoking issue.
Aug 08, The Dating Dilemma "I seem to gravitate toward a certain type. They are always creative and very passionate about what they do, but they also happen to be very big pot mcauctionservicellc.com: Molly Oswaks. Nov 14, 19 Things That Happen When You Date A Smoker. Sometimes we love people despite their habits. by Alessia Santoro. BuzzFeed Staff. 1. You have to think about what you're going to . Apr 20, During College, I Dated A Self-proclaimed "former Pothead." As Someone Who Had Never Smoked Anything, I Initially Found His Old Hobby A Huge Turnoff. Potheads Were Like Harold & Kumar, Bob Marley Author: Denise Ngo.
You have the right to make your own choices and decisions. Take it from someone who has a couple of decades on you. You have the right to be your own person. Good luck to you. Gotta go with Unknown on this one. Smoking is the least of your problems. Grown folks have the right to decide whether or not they want to smoke, and if your boyfriend chose to be with you while knowing that you smoke, then he has to accept it.
It is the number one reason why men of all ages are attracted to twenty-something women. Being a tall woman does not need to be dating death sentence. It merely requires a woman to re-frame things in order to increase the size of her dating pool. It was not until after I been out on several dates that I became curious about male height. They are just attaching value to a number. What we are looking at is clear-cut case of one cannot fix stupid. For me he just needs to be taller. If I were five foot two, then a guy five foot five would be fine for example.
Often that x fits me. Otherwise we can be friends, but a romantic relationship would not be fun for either of us.
I would advise men to please never lie about their height though. Some women go through a lot of trouble to free up their schedule, pay a babysitter, get excited and try to look nice Only to find the guy totally lied about his appearance and no attraction will be possible.
Awkward, and not a very considerate thing to do To another person or yourself! Your height is the 65th percentile for male height in the U. If you live in the U. What women do not realize is that when they target guys who are at least my height to the exclusion of shorter men, they give us licenses to be borderline douche bags.
If a woman wants to limit her chance of falling in love to one out of five men based solely on height before any other desired attributes are added to the equation, be my guest. I routinely notice couples where the man is only an inch or two taller than the woman now that I am aware of this primal trigger. They do not seem to be less happy as a couple. I disagree that men have to lie. So much so I was overwhelmed with dating at times. It is not that you did not get noticed for your height.
It is more like you did not get ruled out for your height. I can put my profile back online and be communicating with dozen women within a week, several of which will have reached out to me. I have a well-written profile with good photos. I am also in great shape for my age, and have a full head of non-gray, non-colored hair which is strange for a man my age. I recently started to round up instead of truncate the fraction of an inch like I have done my entire life.
That is what male height is all about with women. I agree with your assessment. They would be better off working on themselves to so that their personality and character make up for a lack of height. Smoking is a choice. I was an alcoholic and kicked that, so I have very little compassion for smokers. Plus, you tie yourself to a smoker financially? Lol Even if I chose to stay in the relationship, the guy would more likely dump me for my boiling resentment and spite.
I guess know your deal breakers before you get involved.
You Want To Get Your Boyfriend To Stop Smoking
This is tough stuff for the writer, yuck. Good luck! I also have smoking as a deal breaker for me, and it is a rule I will not break. My father died of lung cancer at But it also allowed me to see what a horrible addiction smoking is. He tried to quit so many times, he so wanted to. It is stronger than heroin. So for those that do not smoke, understand that if someone has smoked for a long time it highly likely that they will return to smoking at some point in your marriage or relationship.
If you are getting into a relationship with them, you need to accept that. If you can accept him at his worst, then be okay with it. But accept the reality I tell you about above.
Sure, he could die of a brain tumor and live the most healthy life ever. Sure we have the few stories we hear about those that live to be but they are rare. It is a very strong addiction, he may want to quit, he may love you more than life itself, but it is a physical addiction and it is very tough to beat.
I had one friend who was in this exact situation. However, she married the man as a smoker. She told him that she wanted him to quit but that it was up to him. She told me that as she fell in love with him as they were dating, she saw how strong the addiction was and her heart hurt for him because he was in pain. He would shake and become ill when he did not have nicotine. He tried the drugs and they made him very sick and then one day he decided to do it on his own gradually cutting down.
For years he carried around a pack of them, not smoking them but almost as a security blanket just in case. She stood back, she never commented, she never judged, she just let him do what he wanted and was there to listen. She said he told her he slipped up once or twice, but other than that he has no desire. But HE IS honest with her when he does or if he ever thinks of slipping up and that is because she was never judging of him, and never gave him an ultimatum.
She said in all honesty to her, the lying and hiding would have bothering her more than the smoking. She made sure to let him know not to be ashamed and that she would love him no matter what. You see I could not do this. I applaud her for what she did. If you as a woman cannot do this, then do not enter into a relationship with a smoker. I think smoking is an okay deal breaker by the way. Definitely a deal-breaker. These issues should be discussed before getting serious with someone.
Former smoker here. A smoker will never ever successfully quit unless they want to do it for themselves and unfortunately that decision is often made after a health scare. So he wants to start a family with you?
If so, he might as well stop now. If not, consider if you want to raise your children in a house filled with smoke. Because smoking is an unhealthy habit that not only adversely affects my partner, but affects my own well-being too. Height and a non-six-figure income are not potentially life-threatening.
Smokers always seem to minimize the amount they smoke too. The letter writer made a typical mistake, she knew that smoking was a deal-breaker but got into the relationship anyway in hopes that the guy would change.
How is this fair to the guy in question? I dated smokers in the past and lived with them. It was ruining my clothes, it was in my hair and I kept thinking about 2nd hand exposure. Not to mention financially, this habit is expensive and not only the cigarettes themselves but also additional health insurance penalty for smokers.
So I would personally never date a smoker, but I would never move past the first date with them, assuming they even got the first date by lying.
Excited dating a smoker boyfriend valuable
The OP laid her bed and now should lay in it. The few smokers I know are wonderful people. Smoking is one of my few deal breakers. When I think about it, the smokers I know have partners who also smoke which might make more sense for a relationship. He can do what he wants. Also, why would smoking be off limits, but not drinking. The fact that a guy wants a family is important. Some of the issues can be solved by switching to an e-cig.
When I met my boyfriend, he smoked a pack a day. He usually goes for a minty variety, which is actually quite lovely! I have no idea if it is more or less harmful than smoking cigarettes, but I can tell you that his breathing has significantly improved.
He no longer needs to use a puffer and the e-juice he uses has vegetable glycerol instead of polypropylene. Just a thought!
Put smoking up there, with height, age, weight and income on things that are commonly lied about in OLD. One came clean on our first meet and greet. One man admitted after we were already dating exclusively that he occasionally toked, and I asked him, why am I just now hearing about his, since I had alreday told him pot smoking was a deal breaker. I agree that there is a difference between rejecting a man for being under 6 foot, and rejecting a woman who is morbidly obese. Smoking is an unattractive habit, both in terms of smell and how a person looks.
It ages you. Even if a young smoker manages to look attractive, that habit will age their face and yellow their teeth. For me, smoking kills attraction. I do not want to kiss a mouth that tastes like cigarettes, I do not want to lie down in a bed that smell like an ashtray. When I was of childbearing age, I did NOT want to raise my child in a smokey home, and even if someone agreed to only smoke outside, I would NOT want my children to have a smoking parent for a role model.
One thing I did not know until I got pregnant, that my aversion to the smell of smoke, increased greatly. In my non-pregnant state, it was a mildly unpleasant odor. And that hypersensitivity to smoke smell persisted for about 3 years after my son was born.
Other quality of life issues if you marry a smoker. You could end up watching them die a slow, agonizing painful death.
And so will your children. I watch my mom die in agony over a period of ten years. It was heartbreaking for me. My brother is disabled due to cigarettes. I have known many inconsiderate smokers. His roommate would put the ashtrays in his room as a hint to empty them, but this guy acted like his never emptying the ashtrays was a big joke, and just a silly little quirk everyone should learn to live with.
Before smoking was outlawed inside the work place, I would have co-workers stand and talk to me, while I was seated, cigarette dangling from their hand at my face-level, smoke going up my nose. Yes, they moved that stinky thing when I asked them to, but why would they even come into my office blowing smoke up my nose, when they already know I hate it? Even life with a considerate smoker is no picnic.
Smoking outside alleviates some of the issue, but the smell is still in their clothes, hair and mouth. I know, my mom tried a few times. I am curious about the OP. If so, were you hoping to change him into a non-smoker?
Is he a light smoker with really good hygiene? I know a few smokers, and some smokers are less stinky than others. I hate the habit though. I just have no desire to be involved with a smoker. Most of the other dealbreakers listed in the OP, are unreasonable. When they got engaged, my mother promised my father that she would stop smoking by the time they married.
Much like commentator 1, while growing up, I continually breathed smoke. I hated it.