It is important to know more about how someone gives and receives love, in order to connect better with their needs and boundaries. Here are some important things to know about the INTP and dating, as well as what they are often most drawn to. Some INTPs learn to use their other functions and to combine them in order to help them process their affections towards someone. When the INTP does flirt they often try to be more playful towards someone, even a bit teasing. Sometimes this teasing can be sweet, while if they take it too far it can be quite the opposite.
In order to foster true intimacy with a woman, you have to let her into your internal world. Not only that, sometimes you will have to visit her internal world as well. That means making the effort to tap into your emotions and show some vulnerability. It also means reminding yourself to tune into what your date may be feeling and responding to her feelings appropriately.
Dating as an INTP man is absolutely a context where you can use your aptitude for logical thinking as we talked about in Step 1. But remember, once you get past the initial phase of finding a match that complements you, dating is all about emotionsnot logic.
While experimentation and development of winning strategies can feel like second nature to you, everything afterward can feel like unfamiliar territory for many INTPs. You want the same things in life, she gets your sense of humor, and everything seems perfect.
Worse yet, when she looks at you from across the table, she might not see your excitement reaching the surface. She probably sees a sort of shy guy smiling to himself quietly as the two of you make conversation. She definitely feels a connection and is enjoying her time with you very much. So when you ask her maybe for the second time what her name is, she may feel off-put and assume you must not be interested. And because you might naturally struggle to tune into the emotions of other people, you may not even realize that your date has been offended.
Or if you do notice, you probably have no idea why.
Your date has no clue of the depth of your inner world. INTPs have a wonderful ability to cut right to the important parts your undeniable connection and core compatibilities and forget the tiny details like her name. This tends to give INTPs a bad rap as cold and unfeeling robots which could not be further from the truth!
Be aware of situations when you get lost in thought. These can make you appear aloof and uncaring, even if the reality is the exact opposite and you were actually lost in thought about how excited you are for your next date together.
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When you find yourself in a situation like the above example, remind yourself of the following:. If any of this makes you uneasy, you can relax. However, if you seem to find yourself in mismatched situations on a regular basis, move on to Step 3. If you feel like maximizing your chances of success right out of the gate, try looking for a partner who falls into one of your recommended complementary personality types. The point is to remove the eye contact factor, the intense focus, and allow freer conversation.
The physical closeness will be easier to broach now as opposed to a time when your attention is on each other. Once you are successful in calming the INTP and establishing a safe zone, build up from that foundation.
Situation 3. You have some emotional bumps in your relationship. Your INTP is beginning to show annoyance with you. If you really want the relationship to get back on track, and if you are strong enough to take honest feedback, then ask your INTP what is annoying him or her.
You can gauge how positive the INTP views the health of the relationship and his or her willingness to be vulnerable and open by how easily the INTP gives you that feedback.
The more the INTP fears your reaction, the less candid he or she will be. He or she values these things far more than harmony. The INTP shows love by his or her willingness to work on the relationship with you.
Even though it may look and feel like criticism to you, try to reassure yourself that your INTP is expressing love. Situation 4. Your INTP is withdrawn and cold. He or she is emotionally threatened by you, and by withdrawing, the INTP is putting a buffer zone of safety between you.
Why does the INTP feel threatened? Because he or she has tried to give you honest feedback and show love by openly discussing the relationship with you, but you became upset emotionally or did not seem to understand or appreciate what was being said.
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Maybe you felt criticized or rejected or unloved. Maybe you just didn't understand that these conversations were so important. However, for the INTP, explaining and analyzing and deconstructing is how he or she orients to the world and calms.
Including you in that process is love. By taking that away and layering on your own scary emotional reactions, the INTP has no choice but to distance him or herself from you. As a result, you will probably feel like the INTP is falling out of love with you, and you may want to cling tighter.
INTPs hate being pushed to express emotion on demand, and they will distance from you farther. If this cycle repeats often or if episodes last a long time, your relationship is in danger!
You have to get to the bottom of this dynamic if the relationship is going to be vibrant again. The good news is that INTPs are very resilient. After a cooling off period, the INTP will re-engage and try again.
The INTP is hoping for an exit, but may be reluctant to the trigger the emotional turmoil of a breakup. What to Do: Emergency mode, man! An INTP is always willing to work with a receptive, committed partner, so you need to call a special meeting. All cards need to be laid on the table. All honest feedback ought to be encouraged. May 29, Written By Kirsten Moodie What You Need To Understand About the INTP Male INTPs can be incredibly intriguing individuals, which often causes people to wish they could understand them better. Understanding anyone takes time and a willingness to be completely vulnerable in the process. INTPs might not be the easiest people to understand, or even get [ ]. The INTP is one of the rarest types among the 16 Myers-Briggs Personality types. To be a female INTP is even rarer; only 2are women. If you find one, cherish her, because we are inconceivably unique and out of the ordinary. Here are some pros and cons of dating us INTP .
However, if you can't stop what is causing this reaction, the INTP may conclude that your presence in his or her life creates more damage than good. You may find yourself exiled to such an emotional distance that it might be realistically impossible to bridge the gap unless you can summon near perfection or are willing to wait a long time for the INTP's fear of you to fade.
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You have some emotional bumps in your relationship, and your INTP discusses them openly, including how he or she feels emotionally about the situation. He or she is willing to work hard on the relationship. Try to engaging equally in what the INTP wants to address with what you want to address. You INTP will be committed to meeting you halfway.
Something massive and fundamental seems to have changed in your relationship. Everything you do seems to make the situation worse and drive your INTP away. The INTP is hoping for an exit, but may be reluctant to the trigger the emotional turmoil of a breakup. An INTP is always willing to work with a receptive, committed partner, so you need to call a special meeting.
All cards need to be laid on the table. All honest feedback ought to be encouraged. They have become toxic to the INTP.
You need to get into INTP logic mode temporarily. If you do, the INTP should feel safe enough to open up and share what the problems are. Situation 7. This conclusion was certain enough to risk the emotional turmoil of a break up. Your INTP may have steeled him or herself to get through it, appearing as cold as the arctic before global warming. The steel is a protective mechanism. Down there lurks the emotional disaster of losing you.
First, reach out and say specifically what you love about him or her and why you don't want to lose him or her forever. This message is a recitation of facts. Keep your emotions out of the reasons or explanations.
Dating as an INTP man is absolutely a context where you can use your aptitude for logical thinking as we talked about in Step 1. But remember, once you get past the initial phase of finding a match that complements you, dating is all about emotions, not logic. Here's Why You Should Date An INTP - Personality Growth.
Just the facts. Second, say that you believe that there are things that your INTP loves about you that he or she doesn't want to lose but don't speculate on what they are or fish for compliments. If this recipe works, your INTP will tell you freely. Third, say that you believe that your relationship has hurt him or her and that you now understand that fact it is safe for you speculate here on the specifics.
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Ask your INTP to confirm your observations and ask him or her to further deconstruct how the relationship went awry. Basically, you are inviting your INTP to have a logical conversation, a problem-solving session.
It is imperative that you keep conclusory, emotion-based statements out of the conversation, such as "we have a connection" or "I feel like we were meant to be together". Stick to evidence and analysis. If your INTP clams up during the conversation, apologize and figure out what you said or did to cause the reaction.
Really make an effort to absorb and build on the information the INTP gives you.
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Also, with most people, even friends, I suck at keeping track of little details that more people-oriented people just seem to absorb naturally. If I am interested in someone, I am more likely to pay attention and collect all those little details about a person. I guess you could say if I am interested in someone, they become a fascinating subject to study. I try to initiate hanging out and I am genuinely interested in their interests. I smile back at them.
I wait for them to make a move and then act on it.
After all the pleasantries, I try to find out as much about them as I can. Do they like books, movies, music? Are they an existentialist or a logical positivist?
My Thoughts on the INTP Personality as an INFJ
You know, the normal stuff. If we begin to connect around a similar interest then I might actually set up a date outside of my head to go the book-signing of that author we really like, or that concert for our favorite artist coming to town. In short, INTPs treat their love interest the same way they treat everything else: with ravenous curiosity.
If you think the latter is the case, then start asking them some good questions and they will immediately light up. Nothing turns us on more than a stimulating conversation. Giving them compliments, sometimes even asking them out! There is no in between, unfortunately.
Aug 12, If interested: Oblivious. Hesitant. Analytical. * Oblivious: usually, INTPs can't read the signs/hints very well. Personally, I have no idea when I'm being hit on, asked out, etc. But I mean, there is a pattern; I'm starting to see it now. If a pe. Challenges in INTP Dating & Relationships. As I discuss at length in my eBook, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships & the Quest for Truth and Meaning, because Extraverted Feeling (Fe) is their inferior function, many of INTPs' greatest challenges will directly involve their relationships. As I discuss elsewhere, it is common for all. Jun 29, INTP Flirting & Dating: How to Attract an INTP Everyone approached romantic relationships in different ways, for some it isn't the easiest process to open up to someone. INTPs do struggle with feeling open and affectionate in relationships, but that doesn't mean they are incapable of this or that they don't want a little romance [ ].