Mirroring is really, really simple. If a guy messages you, you message him back. Tell him you had a great time and thank him. Men are born hunters and by coming to him, you take away the chase. Sometimes they need time to think, brood or retreat into their man cave so they can process their feelings. By not reacting and mirroring his actions, you are showing your strength and he will have more respect for you. They do something you like, you show them love and affection.
Playing hard to get is a dating technique that women have been advised to follow for what feels like forever. Playing hard to get stems from uneven power dynamics. No thanks. Pretending to be unavailable rarely achieves the desired effect. Sure, playing hard to get might eliminate any toxic bros from the equation very early on, but it could also totally give a nice guy the wrong impression. Being hot and cold with a guy is confusing and kind of cruel. Being all over him one minute and then distancing yourself the next sends out major mixed messages.
Try mirroring: for every move a guy makes, you should reciprocate with one of your own. Dating experts say that men and women should both make the moves in a 21st century relationship. By taking charge of the situation at times, it will remove your passive aggressive attitude towards dating and set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Dating nowadays is all about being open and honest throughout the whole process.
Once I was hooked though he was bored and was constantly on to other women and challenges all while keeping me hooked. I always asked over and over why are you stringing me along? Why not date a poly girl and let me go? He would just keep saying he only wanted me.
I was gaslighted for a year and a half so my mind was so tweaked. I finally after never getting closure and answers truly believe he enjoyed the power and the game and got pleasure watching me become broken and lost. He loved hurting me. Was satisfied with that.
Left me feeling like a shell. I still feel like a shell. Hello, I am nearly a year of no contact and I can say that it is easier but I have my off days as well.
Mirroring: The Unconscious Body Language of Love, with Jane McGonigal
All the emotional abuse and agression described in all your posts I experienced. However, I also experienced some instances of physical abuse as well as the destruction of my possessions.
He of course denied that he had. I had distanced myself from him but he was trying to win me back while he pursued her. Since I went no contact, he sporadically left me voice messages, came to my job a few times, but I walked right by him and ignored him as he called my name. About a month ago, I received a call from him but I did not answer and he left a message. I later found out from a friend that he had posted pictures on Facebook of his daughter and himself with a figure of a woman in the background, the same day I got the message.
I listened to about 3 seconds of the 30 second message and all I heard was background noise so I deleted it. Why do I feel like I somehow failed and the things he said about me were true?
I feel for you Jill.
The conflict you feel within you when you realise that you were duped all along and they took what they wanted and moved on as if you meant absolutely nothing to them can be the most confusing and painful experience anyone can go through.
I have been psychologically damaged by my partner of 4 years. It is with me everyday, I have anxiety and knots in my stomach and still I wish I could wind the clock back and for everything to just be ok. I have to accept that it never will be.
For a year I have been ok-ish but now around the anniversary of our break up I am feeling seriously ill over the situation which is haunting me constantly. How could I have let that man abuse me so much. Jads, I am in the same place. After sharing my life with someone for 4 years, but become progressively unhappy with lies and emails to other women and his less than enthusiastic participation in our relationship - not to mention his drug addiction - I kicked him out.
He managed to con me into letting him stay in my house for 3 weeks last October saying he was going to go back to college anyway more lies. Hi Abby the realisation of what you have let them do to you and the fact that they are such convincing liars and blamers and your gradual discovery of all their lies and deceitfulness makes you feel like you are stripping off layers of your own skin, coming to terms with it and finding yourself still there but in pain!
I am now recovering from that phase and I have good days and bad. Can we relate this to a small child who builds the blocks sky high and smiles as he bashes them down to the ground again only to build them all over again. Yes he built me up and smashed me down. He is doing that to someone else, somewhere else right now!
Yes, you are probably right Jads. If not with you then with someone else. Hi Abby, I hear you. I find that was the most damage. Money can be replaced, possessions can be replaced, relationships can even be replaced especially if the person treated you badlybut your reputation from the smear campaign can really cause damage, that stays for a long time, and is so unwarranted and undeserved. You are right when you do no contact, the brain washing wears off, and you look back and can see just how bad the relationship was.
Dearest Jill, I promise with all my heart you did not fail.
HE is the failure. You know this deep down. That is typically why they broadcast someone, I believe. You are also no longer at risk for a disease.
Well done. All of that zillion percent! No contact.
Out dating mirroring perhaps
A car or money, a place to sleep, a reputation as a family man. They can be violent. Keep no contact. I have felt exactly the same. He is re-opening the wounds with a call just a month ago, I would put money on it being no accident. So even though a year seems like it should be long enough it may take longer. Big hugs to you and keep fighting for you my dear, NO Contact will pay off for you.
Reblogged this on queryjoy. When I read this I see pieces of my past relationship with the SP playing out in my mind. Like a bad movie of the week montage. I tolerated or pretended to be interested in things that I would never ever sit through now. I told myself that for people we care about we do take an interest in their interests as an extension of them. It never occurred to me at all that I was lying to them and to myself. But either way, it is an unhealthy behaviour and a habit to be broken for sure.
Reading your story, it has made me realise that not only did I get suckered in with all the flattery as I had been on my own for a number of years but also by his tail of wow about his relationship with his ex wife. On that basis because I felt so empathetic and happy with my new man I forgot to look out for the signs of being used.
I was picking up pieces for him from one day to the next, he quite literally became a full time job. Remarkably apart from his family I never met any of his friends in our four year long relationship.
Again a sign that the man was a user and a taker. During the rest of our relationship he gradually started criticising my friends who had all made him welcome. He tried to break up friendships that I had for years. This is all normal life with a sociopath. There is nothing you could have done differently.
Sociopaths have a brain different than ours. Science shows this. They think they are better than everyone, famous, they are vain, they are deliberately causing harm, they think we deserve it, they have no capacity for emotional empathy, or love.
Their brain does not register love or caring.
They are self obsessed. They are perceptive, seemingly intelligent, charming, funny, entertaining, compelling.
We all have been in what you went through - because there is nothing else - because a sociopath creates this by their nature.
All dating mirroring something
It is intentional. No, you are correct - they are not men - they are monsters. And it helps to look at the circumstances and past scenarios in just that way.
It is not a real relationship. It is a ride with an insane person. A dance with a snake charmer. It goes like this: The sociopath sees us and does an assessment that it takes to blink.
Then they win our trust. Are sweet as powdered sugar, kind, generous, fun, thoughtful - and just like us - like we have sooo much in common They are our dream man to the th power!! They got us. Now they take. Some we see, but explain or justify or make an exception for. They get a little mean even, but we understand. We want to work on the relationship because they think we are the best thing that ever happened to them and we think they are too!!
Think, dating mirroring sorry
The begin rejecting us in small an da little bit big really hurtful sharp ways. They put us down. They are gone a lot. They go out without us. We know he just left with our car keys.
We shrink inside. We do something else he wants to make it better. They are knowing that we are sensing something vile and really, really, bad is going on.
That this is nothing normal. They have been in it many times - that ex he was entangled with.? She went through what you are going through. He has lived this way all his adult life. Be safe. Cut all contact. He then will smear you.
This is horrifying. I know. I married a sociopath. We are not codependent. We are not weak.
Does not dating mirroring idea useful Brilliant
We are not to blame. We are the prefect prey of sociopaths because we are loyal, good, strong, kind, loving, achievers, decent, forgiving, magnanimous, faithful and all good things. It is human nature to trust. Surround your self with true love from family and great friends.
The he started dating someone right away. its like a predator on the prowl for its mcauctionservicellc.com truly is. Everything in this post and many of everyone's comments about their exs behavior is exactly what I have been through. The mirroring stages when he would shower me with affection as if I was the love of his life down to the devaluing stage. Try mirroring: for every move a guy makes, you should reciprocate with one of your own. Dating experts say that men and women should both make the moves in a 21st century relationship. When you're with a guy officially, it's seen as an equal partnership, therefore effort should be . May 15, Possibly the best piece of dating advice I've ever heard is the following: Mirror his actions. Mirroring is really, really simple. If a guy messages you, you message him back. If he hasn't confirmed your date, don't contact him. If he doesn't have time for you, you don't have time for him.
You are sooooooo welcome!! I was married to my snake for 10 months annulment April married May He is an international criminal love scammer faux entertainment industry scammer. When some of the dust settles the predictable ridiculousness of their desperation is laughable. I do have financial tangles still related to him I did reach out to some of his women in getting proof for my annulment. I do so wish there was a way to brand these monsters. Strangely enough mine managed to scam me for a holiday and forgot to pay me back before he left the relationship, along with several over hundred pounds whilst claiming I cost him too much money.
I managed to recover a few hundred pounds by telling him I would have debt collectors visit him at his workplace. It was only then he admitted he owed me any money. Yes mine got the free holiday too. I agree about it being worth the price, what price can you put on freedom, to never be humiliated, degraded, scammed again?
You could spend the rest of your life warning other women. Worst is that they just get away with it. I think this is the thing that is so stunning. HI - gave my socio. He called and emailed me- saying that I was BS! He has now gone completely silent! I think he is planning his next move! He said, I know you will never file and yet I did! Huh cos he was presenting you with the impossible scenario. Exactly the truth will always set you free. That is where I began, on a forum for victims and noticed the same pattern.
So began this blog. Often writing as I was experiencing it. For real. It never changes the patterning never changes. Its just the same.
Politeness is often seen as a weakness. We are expected to be succesful sharks, and speaking mildly, being caring and careful of hurting others, being nice just because we are all human beings, regardless of what we can give to one another, is increasingly seen as dumbness, being slow, not being fit for this world.
Oh gosh yes misa I agree with you. After my daughter died believe me I met much much worse people than the last sociopath. He has his issues and his brain just works that way. How many mothers do you see these days glued to their phone Facebook computer screens with small children? A lot. And then mothers who constantly post sexually explicit selfies online. I wonder if it was always this way, or if I have only recently noticed? Question is the mirroring and bonding phases only in a romantic relationship?
Our husbands are brothers. It was creepy. Narcissistic supply? We just ignore her. If she was a sister in law and using you to play the game, well. They can keep up the act. For a very long time. And keep going with it. They mimic real humans - so sometimes they just skip it cold shoulder time.
Apr 26, MORE: If You Learn this Principle of Mirroring, You Will Never Have to Wonder What He's Thinking About You Ever Again. I have been dating a man for about six weeks now who has overall been respectful, romantic, and attentive. For the most part, I let him lead. Of all the dates we have been on, I have only initiated one. Aug 15, If he's dating others, you keep dating too. Mirroring a man's commitment level will keep you grounded in reality. In a committed relationship, mirroring a man means not getting ahead of where he is in the relationship's timeline. A man knows that women want .
They live off of other ppl entirely. When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and admitted to the hospital for 5 days, he came by the first night for a while, crawled in bed with me and cuddled and comforted me, then left and went hunting for a week.
After that, he pretty much acted as if nothing had changed even though my life had just turned upside down and I was half blind and unable to walk and being pumped full of steroids. I got little to no compassion from him, and when I did it seemed as though he were only doing it when other people would notice.
That was like a punch in the stomach. Maybe he really loves the new one. I feel beyond stupid and pathetic. He treats everyone nice in the beginning. Has she found someone else?
Have you tried to mirror his actions? Did it work for you?
Leave a comment below! Very helpful advice within this post! It is the little changes which will make the greatest changes. Thanks for sharing!
I decided last night to mirror his txts and behaviour. I even sent him. Hope he figures it out.