In the gay community, expats often run into culture shock when dating Chinese guys. Photo: IC. When Nick, a year-old chef in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province, first moved from his native Russia to China seven years ago, he was seeking out more than job opportunities and an overseas adventure - he was looking for a chance to be himself. By contrast, Shanghai, where he lived for his first few years in China, is home to a vibrant gay scene, with a number of active gay bars and LGBT lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community groups. Although the community is smaller in Shenzhen, Nick still has a number of friends with whom he feels comfortable sharing his sexual orientation. But it isn't just the community that keeps him here; Nick admits that he has a certain predilection for Chinese guys, which has served as another motivation to stay. I like foreigners too, but only as good friends," he says.
Many people spend their life looking for a perfect relationship, for a mate from some pink, fluffy and non-realistic fantasy that can make them happy. But most likely the end of this path is rather disappointing.
But those who went through a sufficient number of relationships know that ideals survive only in some utopian world, in reality they crush quickly and painfully. Every human being has unique characteristics, so any relationship is an unstoppable negotiation about compromises and ways to create a balance between characters.
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Especially if they are aware of your sexual preferences, they might have already suggested to present their acquaintance who also happened to be gay. For sure, everybody wants to have freedom of choice and be able to pick a partner by himself. But why not give it a chance?
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But it might not be the case and your new acquaintance could actually be the one you dreamed of. And if not, then simply spend your time well and maybe get a new friend.
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Also, meeting a partner through the people you already know prevents from having issues later. You get a possibility to instantly learn more about the date from those who already know him well enough.
That means, no bad guys, no cheaters or liars. At least, you will know about it beforehand and take your own responsibility in dating them.
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And never blame your new partner for the sins of previous one. Gay dating often implies going to various clubs and parties thinking that a future partner must be awaiting there. In our opinion, this option is not even close to being a good one. Well, maybe if you need a one night stand, yes, this is your chance of getting one.
But those dreaming of a future husband will not be in luck paying a visit to a gay bar. Such as being too stressful for many people. For instance, gay dating for introverts is full of complications by itself, and going to a nightclub, with hundreds of people dancing or drinking and loud music playing will be a whole challenge.
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Dating is a process one should enjoy, and there is no need to complicate it and make it unpleasant. Some people say that straight couples are the only ones with a future, other believe that only gays can build healthy relationships.
Surely none of those points are true.
All of us are human beings, all of us can be right and wrong. Not a single relationship will always work flawlessly, so seeing everything in black and white just provokes problems and unrealistic expectations which lead to disappointment. Inventing problems is the perfect way to sabotage yourself and your relationship. People love to see all things in black so sincerely, that they ignore the simple and clear truth - some problems are just thin air.
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If you doubt yourself, underestimate your self-esteem, this feeling of insecurity will both pull down you and your future relationships. Sometimes just being gay is a huge deal, but you are who you are.
All you can do is just take a deep breath and soberly assess the situation.
Meeting gay singles, chances are you think of them as of your last chance to get a boyfriend. But remember that everybody has the right to reject courtship, so do you.
For many gays it is a very serious matter, and opinions here can be very different. You can meet a person who truly believes that it is important to be open, or someone who hides his sexual orientation from family or colleagues for one reason or another.
Both approaches are okay, we all can decide for ourself whether we are ready to open to the world or not. Gay community has enough pressure from the outside, so everything inside should be understanding and respectful. Surely it is necessary to overcome fear and social anxiety, and relationships and dating are a good and healthy way.
When you see a new person for the first time in real life, you understand how different online and offline impression can be. This scenario has only two endings.
Bad one is your possible mate sees that you are just some kind of pretender. Truly horrific one is also your possible mate believing that this is who you really are. In any case, you will just ruin everything from the start. The best advice is to be polite, attentive and respectful.
By contrast, Shanghai, where he lived for his first few years in China, is home to a vibrant gay scene, with a number of active gay bars and LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community. Memphis Grizzlies forward Kyle Anderson was in Shenzhen recently, tracing some of his Chinese ancestry and dunking on the locals. Anderson is one eighth Chinese, courtesy of his mother's grandfather, Li Chongxin, who moved to the US in the early 20th century. Gay dating often implies going to various clubs and parties thinking that a future partner must be awaiting there. In our opinion, this option is not even close to being a good one. Well, maybe if you need a one night stand, yes, this is your chance of getting one. But those dreaming of a future husband will not be in luck paying a visit to a.
Focus on hobbies and interests during the conversation. When Nick, a year-old chef in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province, first moved from his native Russia to China seven years ago, he was seeking out more than job opportunities and an overseas adventure - he was looking for a chance to be himself.
By contrast, Shanghai, where he lived for his first few years in China, is home to a vibrant gay scene, with a number of active gay bars and LGBT lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community groups. Although the community is smaller in Shenzhen, Nick still has a number of friends with whom he feels comfortable sharing his sexual orientation.
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But it isn't just the community that keeps him here; Nick admits that he has a certain predilection for Chinese guys, which has served as another motivation to stay. I like foreigners too, but only as good friends," he says.
I can't say it's [them being] exotic.
I think the reason I like them is they are always happy to meet foreign people, always smiling and being nice. It was only in that homosexuality was decriminalized and in that it was removed from the list of mental illnesses in the third edition of the Chinese Classification of Mental Disorders CCMD-III.
According to the United Nations Development Programme's Being LGBT in Asia: China Country Report released insocial and cultural attitudes toward homosexuality have begun to shift in China, moving from the less tolerant attitudes linked to traditional Confucian and patriarchal values to greater openness and tolerance.
Changing attitudes toward homosexuality, as well as China's maturing LGBT community, have also had an unintended effect: making it easier for gay foreigners to establish full lives in China, whereas they may have previously found it too repressive a place to live. Luke is a popular video blogger on Blued, a dating app for gay men in China.
Photo: Courtesy of Luke. Sparks fly when opposites attract "I like modern guys with a good sense of style, who aren't afraid to wear makeup, who don't just work every day but actually go out and do things," says Nick, who's currently in an open relationship with his Chinese boyfriend. Lucky for Nick, he can afford to be choosy; as an expat, he's a hot item on gay dating sites and apps.
Nick estimates that he receives dozens of messages every day on Blued, a Chinese dating app for gay men along the lines of Grindr or Jack'd. Among them are requests to chat, invitations for dates and snapshots of their private parts.
He also does video blogging on Blued, where he sometimes garners up to 1, viewers. Broadcasts on the app often feature people talking, singing or dancing; Nick even likes to show off his professional cooking skills on camera every once in awhile.
As with so many foreigners in China, Nick says a common icebreaker among Chinese guys is asking him to teach them English or Russian. Unfortunately, that isn't the only dating stereotype that carries over into the world of gay romance.
In his experience, Nick says it's also common for Western men to be targeted as potential sugar daddies, recalling one first date in which the guy queried Nick about his income, and then asked that Nick buy him a new phone.
Nick said while some expats feel used when Chinese dates approach them for their language skills, "exotic" looks or presumed wealth, Nick himself is holding fast to his predilection for Asian guys. But he says it's less a fetish as it is a personal preference.
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No matter whether you are white, yellow or black. It's just about what you like. Some like muscles; some like tall people.